Hello World – Welcome to my new start. I pride myself in the hope that I am able to help people get out of the way for new starts to happen, but in the past few months I have been in my own way. Stuck but not really stuck. Things are moving fast. I need to get out of the way, so using this blog for now to explain and maybe bring light into your way out.
I loved and lost. I have been sitting heavy in the loss of everything. I lost my love, my home, my dogs and my job (I will talk about all of it, eventually, today 2 Steaks). There is a synchronicity in this, that is so blaring obvious. I am an artist and need to see the synchronicity through my thoughts.
There is a calling in this world to move from Fear to Love. I preach it in my readings in my classes and now I am experiencing it first hand.
The day I met my ex, 2 Steaks, I don’t remember. We have some of the same friends, we had met several times in the past. But the day I actually noticed him he was sitting sad at a picnic table, at a friends bar. All our friends were in the back and I asked him to come join me in the back. I noticed his sad and didn’t think much of it, he was so much younger than me and I have a hard time tapping into my intuition when it comes to my intimate relationships or more so when men like me. So we go to the back and I just remember having so much fun not thinking 5 years were going to pass in his arms. Fun is usually what wins in my heart. So we leave and go grab dinner together with no one else. From that moment on we were inseparable. I ignored my insecurities, I ignored everything and just went into it. That is probably the hardest part of leaving and losing this love. I love him. I still love his soul.
I had just gotten back from a trip to the Monroe Institute. If you do not know what the Monroe Institute is, well its life changing. Robert Allan Monroe, also known as Bob Monroe, was a radio broadcasting executive who became known for his research into altered consciousness and founding The Monroe Institute. His 1971 book Journeys Out of the Body is credited with popularizing the term “out-of-body experience” I had gone here with the intent to learn and with the hopes of being able to journey out of my physical body into the unknown of consciousness, but instead I made some friends and got to release some fear around intimate relationship. I walked the labyrinth on the land in Virginia with my “list” of the man I wanted to spend my life with, I read each and every line over and over again until I arrived at the center I then burned up the list, there was a little fire pit. Plus I wanted the list to just go out to whom it was written for and not be constantly checking it if someone did arrive, from this manifestation. I turned and walked out. 2 Steaks and I met on that porch a few days after my return. Had I manifested him?
Libra’s do better in pairs. 2 Steaks is the exact opposite, Aries. We never got each other. I know we were a match made outside of this world. I had a glimpse of a past life, the very first time we were together. But here is one of the moments I ignored, when I tried to talk about what I had experienced in that dream he froze and I could see a blank fearful stare. That shut me down in that moment. Made me feel like I needed to hide myself. I lived in fear of this part of me getting out and instead shut down emotionally. This is a reoccurring pattern for me. Attract partners that are fearful of the parts of this world that they can not see. Meaning I need to hide the magic parts of myself, so they don’t get scared. Hide, run and hide. I do this very, very well.
The only thing is the magic in me keeps wanting to come out. This may or may not make much sense, but I want to find another whole being that I do not have to hide from. That I can talk about Past Lives and Out of body experiences, and just the things I see that no one else does.
And so shall it be.
In order to shine the light I need to work out the dark. This is a nice start…