Like I said I lost my home in the breakup. It was the exes. It was never mine. I kept hoping it would feel like mine but he kept me at a distance in between the walls. There is a vulnerability in owning you don’t belong. OMing helps. Helps you let go, helps you keep your heart open. OM is the sound of the universe. OM will help me find hOMe again.
You know what hurt the most? As we were breaking up he pulled out his old ugly shower curtain from who knows where. Like he had been waiting for me to go. I know this is my weird imagination, but that hurt.
The house was run down and the yard was a mess but I loved it. I tried to make it mine I found a chandelier that made me happy it was green glass. His parents bought it as a housewarming present. That was a fun adventure we went and looked at the one I had really wanted it was black glass, but the light was very dim and would have looked really dark in the room. He really found the green one instead. He will forever have that reminder.
Even though the house was never mine, I am all over it.
He had a closet built in the room for all my clothing, because this was over a 100 year old house, they didn’t need so much stuff back then. It was one of the sweetest things he did for me. I am now realizing I don’t need so much stuff. I now have the majority of my things in storage. I left in survival mode, so what I packed and what I brought to my parents is so bizarre. I brought all my socks but only a few pairs of winter shoes. I look at the food I thought was a good idea to take and have yet to eat.
There were things I left behind for the time being to make him more comfortable like a lamp, television, microwave. At the moment I do not need any of that. But he keeps asking me to take my bike. I noticed that my crockpot was being used by him that I somehow missed putting in the pod. Survival.
This is my goodbye to that home, I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you.
I have put an offer in on a tiny house. I am not sure what will happen? My heart is currently in limbo